The BackStory
My story is the typical one, well sort of typical anyway. I wasn't one of those kids that grew up skinny but it wasn't i was trying to be skinny or put on weight back then. I wasn't worried about any of that.
So taking it far, as far back as i can remember when it comes to food anyway. I lived in a very strict household, just for me, my brothers got to do what they wanted. And food was one of the things my mother nagged about, it became the only thing i could actually have control over. And this is back in secondary school days (bare with me my thoughts are quite jumbled and all over the place at the moment). So anyway, for me life was restricted, i would go to school and have to go straight home, she would call the home phone to make sure i was back at a certain or i would get in trouble. I had to most of the housework, while my brothers enjoyed their break of school to relax, and if it was done i was the only one that would get blamed. This is a woe is me story, just a back story. So anyway because of not having the freedom to do anything at all, i was lonely, couldn't have friends because apart from at school i really couldn't communicate or build those solid relationships.
So food became my sort of rebellion. There were times when my mother would nag that i didn't cook for the family or how she always did the cooking and the least i could do was wash the dishes on time, whatever that means. So the first time was sort of an experiment, i stopped eating her food for a day to see if she would notice and stop nagging about food. But she didn't. So i did it again and again. And guess what she didn't notice. I was gradually losing weight. I would eat at school, one of my friends would share food with me as i didn't get much money to be able to get actual food, just a packet of these 10p crisp and a bottle of Panda Pop. So i was starving especially on the weekends. Not sure how she didn't notice then but she didn't.
I would sometimes go to my granddad's sisters house after school some days, it would be a very quick visit and i would blame it on a bus delay so i wouldn't get in trouble. But i guess she noticed and started giving me takeaway food to take with me and making sure that i ate quickly while i was there. My mum and her never spoke so it was never a case of her actually calling my mum to say anything, instead she tried to help in her own way. So this was from when i was about 16 till i left at 19, just for reference i will tell you my dress size was a size 8, and before all this i was usually a size 12, so that was a 2 dress size drop.
Anyhoo after moving out at 19, i started working and because i was now taking care of myself i started eating alot more regularly and the weight starting piling on. I seriously didn't notice because i wasn't someone that particularly paid attention to my weight and always wore bagging clothing. But people that i worked with pointed out to me that i was putting on weight. 9 months later and i was back to a size 12 again. From that time till i hit 25 and got pregnant, i stayed between a size 12 and 14. I would start going to the gym or try to eat healthier but i just never stuck to it and would end up cancelling my gym membership and getting fatty foods.
When i got pregnant, it was seriously another excuse to eat KFC and McDonalds consistently. Shockingly enough in the beginning of my pregnancy i lost alot of weight before it piled on in the end. So that brings me to today. 2years since having my son, I'm at a size 14 and it was till last year Oct that i tried to eat healthy but what hindered me was i wasn't actually doing it for myself. I found out about a program and saw other people's results and thought it would be nice to look like her. I wanted to do the 30 days an miraculously be down in body weight and dress size without doing any work. I was looking for a quick fix, a magical pill smh. So when the 30 days ended, of which i did about 50 - 75% of actual healthy eating with about 50% of working out, i took those after pics and was soo disappointed. And from that disappointment i gave up.
Why Am I Doing This
But now I'm not happy with how I've let myself just stagnate, I've been a size 14 since having my son and it's not changed because i haven't put in the work to make it change. So starting from the 6th of Nov (because i better not prolong it or use the usual "I'll start on Monday" or "I'll start at the first of the month") I will be taking my health into my own hands and taking it a day at a time of change. This time I'm documenting here because then i won't be trying to compete with others or comparing my progress with someone else's. And a new lifestyle is for life and not for a short period of time so i guess I'll be updating this blog for life lol.
The Outcome I want
Right now the only thing I'm concentrating on is becoming healthier, especially since I'm only 5ft tall so any extra weight is definitely seen easily. I'll also be keeping track of the different recipes i try, to keep me accountable but also to keep track of ones i love and ones i don't so i can retry or stay away from them. And hopefully help some other mummy's / women out there in the same situation as me. I've become so embarrassed of my body that i don't look at it at all, even in the bath i do it all without looking (which is actually quite easy to do), and make sure not to see it in the mirror, so that's another goal - to be proud of and love my body. One day at a time. I know I'll get there
